I used to do this quite often… wake up before the sun, grab
a cup of coffee and open an MS Word document. Before doing anything else, I
would contemplate life, think about where I’ve been, where I am, where I’m
going and what it all means. I was never deluded that I might somehow find the answers, but these early morning introspections were part and process in the art of discovery. They are scattered throughout my
blog, The 25 Year Plan, a project now
entering its 12th year. Those blog posts, for a variety of reasons,
have waned in recent years, but that does not mean there is nothing new to say,
nothing to new learn, nothing new left to discover. Indeed, what I don’t know
is orders of magnitude greater than what I do.
Today is the winter solstice, the first day of winter and
the shortest day of the year. It is a turning point, an appropriate time to
place a book mark and make some notes. The year, 2016, is about to come to a
close. The turn of the millennium was almost 17 years ago. I turned 17 in 1979
- the year 2000 (never mind 2017) - was a veritable lifetime away. And yet here we are, all those years later. Earth
time is a funny thing; when put on a human scale, it is both very long and exceedingly
short and for many icons this past year - too short. That same year, 2000, my
life took a drastic, painful, dramatic, interesting, profound, (insert-your-own-adjective-here)
turn. Since then, and since 2005 especially, my ability and willingness to
document that progression has culminated in this - right here, right now. The
year 2000 damned near killed me - that it didn’t is worth thinking (and
writing) about.
On December 18th, 2005, I wrote the first post of
almost 600 to date in The 25 Year Plan. But
that is not all of the writing I have done and it is not the only place my
writing has been published. However, unless one was a reader of certain local
newspapers, involved in certain (and relatively small) academic circles, or has
been aware of this blog, it is unlikely my name would ring any sort of literary bell.
That sort of notoriety has never been what I am after. If it develops as a
result of this ongoing process and
because others find what I say beneficial, enlightening, or in some other way
worthwhile, so be it. But fame and fortune have never been on my agenda.
Indeed, from what I have observed in more than 54 years on the planet, both can be
fatal.
Since recovering from a near-death wreck in October of 2000,
much has changed - in the world, of course, and equally obviously, I have too (17
years represents a significant percentage of any human’s life) - but the nature
of that change, probably catalyzed by that wreck, is paradigmatic. It did not
happen overnight. I did not wake up from a five-week induced coma sometime in
November of 2000 thinking, “Fuck! That was close. I need to change my whole
life and what it’s all about. I am going to do that.” It took a little more
monumental toe-stubbing before, in August of 2004, I fundamentally changed my
perspective.
To go through all of the ins and outs of what that involved
is a book, not a blog-length post. However, briefly: Going back to school in
the fall of 2003 had a lot to do with it. Getting clean from alcohol and drugs
in March of 2003 had a lot to do with it. Learning to live that way through a
residential treatment program for six months in 2003 had a lot to do with it.
Going to jail for not days, not weeks, but months (not years) both before and (as
a result of not staying clean) after getting clean had a lot to do with it. Too
many people to name - family, friends, professors, doctors and other
professionals - all had a lot to do with it. And the final two jail stints in
August and September of 2004 made it crystal clear that I had a stark choice to
make. That I made the one I did cannot be accounted for by a single factor.
I have been clean for a little more than 12 years now. In
that relatively short period of time, interspersed with navigating instances of significant failure, I managed to accomplish some amazing
things - amazing to me, that is. These are things that were both what I
believed to be beyond my reach as well as things I could never have dreamed for.
The bottom line is part of what I discovered 11 years ago when I gave this blog
the subtitle, Perspectives, Purpose and Opinion.
It is purpose. I’ve written about its elusiveness, its vagueness, its imprecision, but also that it is. It is real. What is that purpose? I haven’t a fucking clue.
Is there one? Absolutely. And the truth is probably more than that. I am here
to contribute in some indefinable way - not just professionally, but also personally,
emotionally, spiritually, civically, however and whenever possible. My job - our job - is to leave the planet a
better place. To that end, I still have work to do.
Peace.
