Humility

For reasons I will not go into here, today has been a trying day. The circumstances were such that I had little patience, little initiative and I could not concentrate on anything. That is not to say I didn’t get anything done today. Although it was not my most productive day, it certainly wasn’t a total waste either. But the tasks I walked through today seemed more about escape than purpose; it was self-imposed busy work – worthwhile, but not exactly urgent. And it only helped until it was done – then it was just my “issue” and me, all by ourselves. There was nothing I could do to change what was gnawing at me – I was just going to suck it up and let it pass, however long it took.

The other approach would be to adopt a different perspective, one that paints the situation in a more tolerable light. Although there are a number of ways of doing this, I didn’t seem to have the willingness to put forth the minimal effort required. It was as though I actually wanted to be pissed off. It should be noted that I have gone to great lengths to avoid such turmoil… not by acquiescence, but rather by acceptance. Things happen, people do things and the vast majority of what goes on outside my head is well beyond my control. Acceptance does not mean I have to like it, but that I can leave it and move on. Today, I was having a great deal of difficulty leaving it behind.

And what had taken up residency in my head was not worth spending any mental energy on at all – it really was a petty issue. It was not exactly silly, but it certainly wasn't cataclysmic. Life as we know it would continue, and my life would not, indeed could not be adversely affected by it. I tried to quiet myself and seek some clarity and it worked for a minute. Then the minute was over. Just as I was about to extract some more mileage out of this injustice, a dear friend called for reasons I don’t even remember. We talked. We ate some dinner. We went out and got some coffee and talked some more. And it was exactly the right person to vent to – the pressure was released and my perspective had normalized.

I could have called her any time during the day, but I didn’t. I have a number of other friends who would have been there as well, but I didn’t call them either. It just didn’t seem like a big deal – even to me - but it was, and I guess I don’t need to know why. The fact is that I have more than a few very good friends and it is important to remember that we are there in the good times as well as the not so good. It was made very clear to me tonight that my issues, no matter how petty I might think they are, are not a burden to my friends. And I do know it – I would have said the same thing if our roles were reversed. But humility is not always voluntary… thankfully so.