Reckless

The 25 Year Plan is, or at least has become, something of a hodgepodge. There is no telling what might show up here. Although its subtitle is generous in its breadth - perspectives, purpose & opinion - and most of what is posted here comes straight out of my head, there are some rules… subject to change without notice of course, but rules all the same. In addition to using correct spelling and grammar, my intention is to be at least somewhat relevant. I certainly don’t want to waste my time - or yours. It’s not always easy finding something relevant and compelling to write and often I don’t know what it will be until it is written, but in an odd sort of way when it makes it this far - it has a purpose.

Which brings us back to one component of this blog’s subtext. I guess that makes it relevant.

I often write about writing. I have been told by far more experienced writers than I that we all do. I suppose those versed in any art enjoy sharing it… painters paint, actors act, musicians play and writers write. Since the writer’s medium is a form of precise communication, it makes sense that that which we share of is the art of what we do. Most of my writing has nothing to do with my art or me. Most of the writing I do is for money. It wasn’t always this way. Until recently, the vast majority of my work was for school and there was quite a lot more posted here and to my other blogs - one of which is for my photography. Since school ended and career began, writing for money has become the priority.

And rightfully so. I am neither complaining nor am I surprised. True, the minutia of how the transition would arrive was not known, but in general I knew things would change and, more or less, in which direction they would move. That my time has become much less free only means that others are paying for it. Interestingly enough, this is not only not a destination, but also not necessarily a firm direction. My career and my post-graduate education are as yet still undefined. Although in one week I will know with much greater resolve which path both will take, the inconclusiveness has a certain reckless nature to it.

Those who know me well and those who have been reading my dribble here for the past two and a half years know that I have been a risk-taker for a long time. Risk comes in many forms and certainly there are healthy and unhealthy variations. I did not make any distinction for most of my life. Throwing caution to the wind sometimes paid off, but most often not. However, striving to achieve that which I thought unattainable is also taking risks. I like not knowing what’s going to happen as much as I long to know the outcome. It makes life exciting. But the downside doesn’t have to have the same dire consequences of days gone by. In other words, the rush is still there.

I applied for three fellowships in the California state government. There are around 300 to 400 applicants for each and out of those, about 20 percent are asked back for an interview before the selection panel. Of the 75 to 80 interviewed, 18 are awarded an 11-month fellowship with a stipend and benefits. I made the cut with the Senate and the Assembly. I beat the odds on two of the three I went for. The interview with the Assembly selection committee could have gone better, I think, but the Senate interview went exceptionally well - again, I think. In seven days, I will know far more than I do now and if I succeed, I will know far less.

And I wouldn’t want it any other way…