On Excitement

I have been somewhat reclusive of late - at least in terms of interacting with my peers in cyberspace. Although it is true that I have been busy with my “normal” activities and duties, it is also true that a number of unexpected situations have presented themselves for my disposition. So far, I have been disposing of them as they materialize, but the list of “things that are coming up” is growing and no small amount of [useless] mental energy has been expended trying to fit everything into a neat little package… a unit that can be processed by one executable command or directive.

Of course I know, it is never that easy.

Some of the tasks are tedious in nature. Some are regularly occurring maintenance items that must be done month in and month out. They are not mentally or physically challenging, nor are they exciting such that they are eagerly anticipated - rather, they are dreaded. Bills, appointments to keep, appointments to make, forms and rebates… ad nauseam - you get the point. There are others, too, that do hold a great deal of anticipatory excitement and, like taking on any new and exciting venture, there is the apprehensive fear. I recognize it and move through it, but still there is an energy expenditure due to its very presence.

And perhaps this is as it should be. Maybe, these perfectly normal yet sometimes uncomfortable feelings are what allow one to feel alive. Indeed, this managed upheaval can be and often is duplicated in much more unhealthy ways artificially. One needs only to look at the latest trials and tribulations of Lindsay Lohan to be reminded. I am reminded repeatedly by the drama some seem to be incapable of preventing and actually appear to create in their lives. To do what? Make themselves miserable? It is nearly always the result.

I have gone to great lengths to eliminate drama from my life. Through extensive and often painful experience, I have found it far less exhausting to avoid drama than to invite it. I might find myself on the periphery of other’s emotional turmoil, but I am very careful not to engage. As it turns out, my life does not suffer in the least. I do not lack excitement - what I lack is drama. Be that as it may, some very close friends are going through some issues at the moment - and I am always willing to lend a sympathetic ear.

So now I have a few moments to myself. The calamity has taken a break - it will probably return. My deadline has been met and my stories are in. I have a moment to reflect on my own personal priorities and although I have some big things to attend to, they can wait for a day, maybe two. But they are still on the back of my consciousness. I have a new semester at school rapidly approaching. I have applied for a new and exciting job that is much closer to home. I have registered for the LSAT, a giant step and if the results are good, a huge new commitment - I'll be applying for law school.

But all of that is tomorrow’s worry; right now, it’s time for a nap.